Anyone else out there still feeling the sheer weight and lethargy from Thanksgiving?  I am!  It is Wednesday, I am still exhausted and my pants are uncomfortably snug already.  I guess it is that time of year again and it probably won't calm down until after the New Year.  Ugghhh...

So, does it have to be this way?  I figure that I do have options here.  The church we recently became members of is embracing "Christmas Different" this year.  Basically, don't spend all your time in the mall or swiping the credit card for money you don't actually have on gifts.  Rather spend that time with family and friends and try homemade gifts, potlucks, singing Christmas carols and loving on people.  Can it be done?  I definitely believe one can be successful at this if they want.  Will that include me?  I don't know but one can try.

In the realm of health, last night I walked long after the sun had set and finally the rainy drizzle had ceased.  Also, I was pretty excited that I was able to turn down the Peanut M&Ms offered to me with noticeable self-control.  I didn't even have to excuse myself from the room while my dad enjoyed the colorful sweets.  I love sweets!  If I eat one, before I know it I have eaten half the 5lb bag.  Will this continue?  Who am I kidding?  Probably not.

How about you?  What do the holidays feel like to you?  Do you dread them or do they awaken a part of you that leaps for joy during this season?  What traditions does your family take part in that my be outside the norm for our society?

Samuel's Story written by his Daddy

We are made stewards of precious things and never by choice.  It is given to us as God gave Adam stewardship over the plants and the animals.  The creator decides and we are left to accept.  One of these precious gifts is the stewardship of our selves.  We are given discretion and responsibility and make decisions on the life that has been given us.  We teach our children how to be good stewards of themselves and the world around them.  Sometimes, though, for whatever reason, another must take this role of stewardship.  Such is the case with our little Samuel.  It is up to me to be a good steward of my son.  His memory and impact on this earth are directly related to how I hold them up.  My own selfish desire to be angry or bitter does not honor my son and does not make me a good steward of his memory.  I refuse to tarnish his short precious life with a darkness of spirit.  We honor him by glorifying his life and the creator that knit him together so preciously.  We are all a steward to Samuel's life. This doesn't mean we can't mourn or be sad for the loss, but it means we sacrifice the desire to dwell in bitterness, anger, and faithlessness.  As he bravely fought, we must honor him by glorifying the one that gave him to us.

Hannah explained, "I have asked for him from the lord," as she named her new son Samuel.  The Lord answered her prayer and Hannah gave her son to Him.  We prayed for our Samuel and loved him before we knew his name.  The Lord answered our prayer, but I lived fearfully.  I had faith all would be fine, but my heart remembered Samuel's brother.  Fear keeps us from life.  Its desire is to discourage and bind.  I lived cautiously.

Weeks passed and Samuel grew miraculously.  Fingers and toes were fearfully and wonderfully made.  His little heartbeat, which we first heard at 6 weeks, was perfect and pure.  We saw the ultrasound and it was unmistakable we were having a boy.  We rejoiced and laughed and felt light.  A few minutes later we were told to go straight to the hospital.  My heart remembered.  It knew this feeling.  We had been here before.

All was stable for the first few days.  There was a plan in place and we were just to wait.  Then just as suddenly as we were there, Sarah's water broke.  Our stability was again broken and the memories rushed back.  There was no way we could do this again.  Everything was all too familiar. 

But nothing happened.  We continued in the hospital and lived in the frigid recycled air for 2 weeks.  Samuel was alive and his precious heartbeat was music to our ears.  The most perfect melody ever played.  We were shown grace and something inside changed.  This was not the time to live in fear, it was given time.  We are all on loan here on this earth, and there are times when we realize it.  Our son was still with us and we were going to enjoy him.  We read to him at night and prayed for him.  But we were not so much praying for him anymore as we were praying with him.  We were teaching him to be a good steward, as best we knew how. 

Those days were a gift.  It's sometimes hard to see it that way, but they were.  After two weeks we went in for another ultrasound and the melody had stopped.  Samuel's heart was no longer beating.  We unwillingly gave him to the Lord.

We take comfort in knowing that Samuel is with his brother, Ethan.  I long to see my boys and tell them face to face in the kingdom how much they are loved.  I am proud of them and thankful for them.  Our time was short, but it doesn't make it any less important.  I am deeply humbled and happy to see all of you and to know how much our boys are loved.  There are three things, the bible says, faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love.  The love that our boys brought in to the world is real and tangible.  I could not ask anything more of their lives than that they fostered love.  That is the greatest legacy of all.


Mommy writing now...

Amazingly enough, Samuel's story is continuing today.  Stories have been shared how his life has affected others hearts even now.  God is using our little boy.  We are honored and proud as parents.  

Baby Memorial

 Samuel's candle is on the bottom row, second from the left.

We contributed two sunflowers.

Today we celebrated the lives of babies that have passed away over the last 6 months.  The room where the memorial took place was devastatingly full to capacity.  Matt and I walked in to the room with a different heart this year as we have done all this before.  Still, tears were shed.  An excerpt from a writing by Matthew that was read at Samuel's memorial service back in July was shared today, along with other families contributions of poems and short stories.  One was even presented in Spanish.  Big brothers and sisters mourned their sibling, parents came forth with empty arms having lost twins and even triplets.  We love our children and want to honor them the best we can.  We are parents.