MAMA Art Collective's New Space

MAMA Art Collective

A cooperative where you will find time and space to make art and crafts, women that live in your community with the same passion to create, budding friendships and all with child care.

A new branch of MAMA is starting up by yours truly called MAMA Art Collective North.  Join us this Friday, September 19th from 9:30 to noon at Tapestry Community Church.  The little people will be with us at this meeting due to the nursery schedule not being established yet.

Turn your creative caps on!

Here is Madelyn Rose at 11 weeks gestation.  Can you see her button nose?

I Don't Know How to Feel

I wrote this about six weeks ago...

A positive pregnancy test.  One would think erupting joy and a smiling face that can't be squelched would be the result, right?  Well, I am happy.  Also, I am not jumping up and down in excitement.  With taking the test and learning the results, my thoughts bounce from, "I need to tell my husband." to "What have I done?" to "There is another soul in my womb.  God has blessed me with allowing me to mother and grow another soul."  My last thought, "I need to talk to my mom."

Everyday is a journey.  Everyday.  Some are calmer than others.  Some I wish were calmer.

Tonight, my husband and I will pick back up The Storybook Bible and read to our newest little peanut.  To the soul that is in my womb.  We have not touched this book since we were in the hospital with Samuel.  It has brought too much grief, sadness, heart-wrenching tears.  It will still be hard tonight, when the dust is brushed off and the pages turned again, but it is worth feeling all these things to celebrate this little soul we have been given to parent.

I Disappeared

I have not typed a blog post in quite some time.  I desire to, like one desires to enjoy a beautiful Spring day to the fullest.  Motivation has been lacking or maybe it is because I have been out and about soaking up Spring.  Yes, I am pretty sure that is it.

So, what has been going on?  Well, so much, too much even!  Oh, least I forget, assisting with three sister's weddings in thirteen months time has definitely been keeping me busy.  Actually, it is much easier for me and probably more enjoyable for you if I share the past several months via photographs.

 Discovered a new Colombian restaurant.  It is fantastic!

 Celebrated mom's 60th at the farm with the family. 

 Started this year's garden.

Celebrated Ethan's birthday.

 Saw Arcade Fire play at Lakewood (showing my age).

 The Taste of Alpharetta is always a good time.

 Helping prep for my sister's upcoming wedding.

 Starting the wedding festivities a couple of days early in Asheville, NC.

 The Biltmore sharing space with a beautiful rainbow and a reminder of God's promise.

 Two sister's weddings down, one more to go.

 Springtime storms in the South.

 Our first Magnolia bloom in our yard.

 I will never tire of Magnolias.

 Wedding prep for the next one in October.

 Combining two things I enjoy, photography and the small things.

 Celebrating Samuel's birthday.

Well, that was a very quick recap of what we have been up to.  I hope you are enjoying the Spring and all the many things a new day and season can bring.

New Batch

A new batch of lotion bars are up and for the taking!  These little bits of luxury are wonderful for your skin, especially with the harsh winter we have been experiencing.  Between these and coconut oil, I have kept some level of sanity during the cold season as these helped protect me from itchy, dry skin.  These are 100% organic and are original in scent.  Try one or two!  :)

Living Wheat Free

Oh man, I finally did it.  It only took a year and a half to finally take the plunge, to realize the benefit of the change now outweighed the difficulty of the change itself.  I stopped believing the lie my body would heal and become its old self again.  I started believing the truth that my body has changed, not been treated right and is now showing me quite boldly.  I am the only one that can take care of myself.  So, I did it.  I am now living a wheat-free life. 

I tell ya', life is better...

Decrease in painful digestion

Decrease in headaches

Decrease in acne and rough skin patches have cleared up

Weight loss

Decreased crankiness which Matthew really appreciates

Practically no heartburn

Increase in energy and decrease in lethargy

AND if I decrease or cut out processed sugars, I experience NO heartburn and I sleep much better.  I've noticed all the above changes since going wheat-free almost three months ago.

I know I have posted on attempts of doing this in the past and yes, I would fall back into my old ways.  This is for real this time though.  I rarely miss bread.  I do keep an 85% cocoa chocolate bar on hand when struggling with cravings and my fridge does have a few ciders and gluten-free beers.  There are some good ones out their folks.  Just do your homework.  The biggest item that has made this so much easier is that Matthew has been convinced of the change too.  So, my biggest fan has realized the benefit of me living wheat-free and is now able to encourage me in ways that are truly supportive.

Mercy, mercy!

Mercy, have mercy!  I am tapping out.  Someone please take my place and be Sarah today.  I am tired, I am weary, I am angry and today, I just don't feel like being me.

Matthew and I have been taking part in a potential adoption.  The birth mother already has 3 daughters and knew she could not take care of another child.  She made the courageous choice to keep the pregnancy, give the child a chance and to make us parents.  Of course, despite our adoption and family history, we were excited, much calmer and very aware that the birth mother may change her mind, but still excited.  We were hoping for a girl.  We realized we were not ready for a boy after the loss of our own boys and experiencing the failed adoption of twin boys.  Bringing in an infant boy to our family would open up a new level of grief and we were ready for joy and happiness for a change...and a baby girl.  I daydreamed of proudly bringing my new baby girl, due to be born in April, to my sister's May wedding.  I was planning to buy her a pretty little dress for the wedding complete with ruffles and poofy sleeves and place a little, delicate bow in her hair, if she had any.  I imagined slow dancing with her and Matthew at the wedding reception or lovingly gazing upon her and other family members as they held and cherished her.

The evening of January 27th, we received a phone call from a friend of the birth mother.  She was sobbing and the first words out of her mouth, "Sarah, I am so sorry I have to tell you this.  The baby passed away.  There was no heartbeat.  I am so sad.  A____ started bleeding at work, was rushed to the hospital and the baby had no heartbeat."  I was stunned.  Blind sided.  Sucker punched.  And left alone.  It took a good 10 minutes for the news to sink in.  A third child dead.  Next, uncontrollable weeping from me and Matthew with a blank look on his face and me noticing he was turning the world and his emotions off.

With tears subsiding came raging anger at God.  "How could you do this?!?  A___ put her faith in you, decided to keep the child and look what you did.  God, I need you to show me your goodness because right now, I am struggling to believe in it."  That was my plea for the next couple of days.  Thankfully, He did show, but not in a way I would have ever guessed.  

In the coming days, we learned the baby was born on January 24th at 30 weeks gestation and we decided to name the baby Miracle.  We initially did not know the gender but that did not matter.  My child, that my heart was anticipating, was not in my arms, not even in the same city as us.  This child was never held, kissed, told "I love you" and was not going to receive a memorial service from us and have physical remains placed next to Ethan and Samuel.  

Every time I have learned of a baby or babies that needed a home and we were chosen as their potential parents, a piece of my heart has automatically been claimed by these children.  With our first two potential adoptions, the children ended up staying with their birth families.  This was painful for us, but we knew that the children were with people that loved them, which caused my heart to heal differently since I knew the children were alive and being looked after.  The experience of the loss of this child has been completely different knowing Miracle is now deceased.  I am a grieving mother all over again.  The space in my heart this baby filled is still there but the space is no longer bright and sunny, but filled with sorrow and grief.  I know most people do not understand this.  Their thoughts and response are one of sadness but they do not understand that my heart started mothering this child even though Miracle was connected to another.

This week, we learned Miracle was a girl.  Happy birthday my sweet baby girl.  You are loved, cherished and will be celebrated.