Learning

I had such a great realization today!  It came about due to some literature I have been reading on adoption in regards to adoptive parents experiences with having children that are not biological.  Their point of view has me realizing things about my own family and we are all blood related.  For me, it has been a very personal realization and eye opening, especially in being raised with a blended family.  I am still processing these new thoughts, so I will get back to you...

Have you had any eye opening moments today?

"Learning" continued...

I am currently reading A Love Like No Other:  Stories from Adoptive Parents edited by Pamela Kruger and Jill Smolowe.  One of the entries by Jacquelyn Mitchard titled "Which One Are Yours?" really resonated with me.  Jacquelyn explains how she and her first husband, prior to him passing away from cancer, had biological children as well as adopted.  After her husband passed and with time, she married again.  Her current husband legally adopted all the children from her previous marriage and then they together adopted even more children.  The essay opens with Jacquelyn being interviewed by a reporter with the reporter asking the despised question of "Which one are yours?" while looking over a photo of all her children.  This question always upsets the author.  The interviewer becomes somewhat frustrated with the interviewee as she will not answer the question the way the interviewer wants her to, by labeling which children are biological and which ones are adopted.  Jacquelyn just won't do it!  While describing yet another scenario, she states, "She assumed that since I didn't have a "normal" family according to her calculus-that is to say, "biological"-she had a right to treat them as "chemical," as if they were interesting objects who might be examined under her personal microscope, as if they were not living, loved, sentient humans with ears to hear and hearts to harm."  Another statement I read and really appreciated goes as follows, "I was adopted" not "I am adopted."

In the intro, I mentioned my own biological family, so you may be wondering my point or the connection here.  Well, I come from a blended family, in fact, that is all I know.  I am 33 years old.  All of my siblings were raised together and treated equally.  All seven of us.  When people ask me how many "real" brothers and sisters I have, it upsets me.  Who is allowed to downplay the number of "real" kids in my family.  No one.  We all have "ears to hear and hearts to harm."  We are all real.  So, I am forever changing how I answer the question of how many real siblings I have.  We are all real.  Love is real.  Family is real no matter how it looks.  Sidenote:  Due to my parents both remarrying, I not only have real siblings, I also have real aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and family friends that I never would have known.  I am thankful for all of my real family and looking forward to sharing and expanding it through adoption.

 

Taking Steps

We have chosen a lawyer!  Let me say it again.  We have chosen an adoption lawyer!  This is big news.  To reach this point has taken much longer than I was anticipating.  It has required a lot of reading and research, prayer, patience, included some small fits as I was not patient due to feeling the process should be moving more quickly.  Then an attitude shift back to sitting in the decision that needed to be made and acting like an adult (hopefully) once again.  Well, the application has been filled out and hopefully will be picked up by the mailman today.

Check.  Done.  Complete.  What now?

Waking up this morning, it hit me that while we have been budgeting to adopt, we do not have all our finances in place.  Uhhh, dark cloud trying to settle over my head...  Then I asked myself, "Well, is it too early to start fundraising?"  Part of me thinks it is.  But then, the voice in my head, my voice mind you, says "It is not too early as it is incredibly expensive and you never know when you might get a call and need to start signing checks."  Then the same voice with a different attitude, "Well, that is where faith comes in.  Have faith that God is going to provide for you saying that adoption is his will for you and Matt, but yes, you need to do some leg work lady."  

As you have probably gathered, I am slightly overwhelmed as I am having many conversations in my head, but again, all my own voice so no one worries.  :)  One thing I know is true that I realized this morning, I am embarrassed.  I am embarrassed to reach out to the community and ask them to help me save and contribute money to adopt a child and on top of it all, we want more than one.  You may think that is a wrong attitude but in living in reality here, adoption costs a lot of money.  It is a true concern.  I don't know where to start past us budgeting what feels like dropping a few pennies in a very large bucket every month.  I don't know how to bring it up to people gracefully and with grace flowing from my heart because I feel uncomfortable.  Ugghhh...what an odd place to be.  Well, I do know from experience and belief that if you claim an issue in your life, wrestle with and examine it and most importantly take it to God, movement will happen.  Big thing to remember though...it is His timing and not my own.

My husband is so wise, calm and much better with words than I am.  I shared with him what I typed above.  He re-worded my thoughts for me and stated,"What we are paying for are the lawyer fees, homestudy and such so that we can bring children home."  Correct and said more eloquently than I did.  :)

So, I guess that presents new prayer requests.  I need to get over myself and not live in fear.  I need to believe that I am loved beyond measure, believe in the love of the community God has placed us in, believe in miracles and continue to hope and pray for the little person(s) that God has out there for me and Matt.

La casa nueva

#5

Dear Family and Friends,

Matt and I hope this letter finds you well.  Wow, what a year 2013 has been and it seems to be flying by! 

We were recently blessed with a beautiful home in Roswell, GA.  We still have boxes to unpack, new neighbors to meet and many projects planned for around the house.  Now that we have a home, we desire to fill up some bedrooms; therefore, turning our focus and energy in to growing our family.  As you know, we have two boys, Ethan and Samuel, whom God called Home.  We are thankful for our children, feel blessed to have been able to have children, yet we still feel called and have the strong desire to be “hands-on” parents.  With this pull on our hearts, we have decided to pursue adoption. 

We are all adopted by the love of Christ and feel adoption of children and loved ones, not necessarily biologically related, to be a blessing from God.  Adoption, at least in the legal sense, is not an easy or quick process.  We would ask, if God places it on your heart, to pray for Matt and myself in regards to adopting a child(ren).  The following are specific prayer requests that we know to have at this time:

• We would like to adopt an infant.
• Pray for our future child(ren).
• Pray for our child’s biological mother/father and that they receive the love and care they need in making such a brave and tough decision to put their child up for adoption.
• Please pray the birthmother does not feel ashamed.
• Pray for our hearts and our marriage as we navigate this path.
• Pray for God to be glorified, for miracles and ultimately God’s Will be done.
• Pray for financial miracles and support to fall in to place.
• Pray for the adoption agency, which we still need to choose.
• Pray for a private adoption apart from an agency.  We are open to private adoption from Georgia or any other state.  If you happen to hear of a private adoption, we do ask you pray about it prior to sharing it with us especially if you are noticing any red flags.

We are very early on in the process and know that taking one day at a time is best and imperative.  This is not going to be an easy journey.  We do know God has shown His love for us through surrounding us with amazing family and friends, a wonderful church and strong community.  We feel blessed to have you all in our lives.

With love,

Matt and Sarah

Update

Whew!  What a whirlwind.  A whirlwind that has kept me from blogging in a long time.  Let me catch you up to speed...

 

1.  We finally sold our house!  After two years on the market with only a brief break during that time, it has been take from us.  What a weight has been lifted.  We are so thankful.  Also, since the house sold in 3 weeks from the time the contract started, we did not feel we had time to look for something and make sure it was right for us.  After over 3 years of limbo, we were only willing to pick what was right for us and we were not going to settle for any house.  So that brings us to #2...

 

2.  We moved in with my Dad and stepmom.  Wow...more blessings!  For me, the 5 months we lived with them was such a time of respite.  Surface to deep respite that infiltrated my soul and let my physical body relax even.  God used that time to do some tinkering in my heart and start some real changes in me.

3.  We bought a house!  We are now living in our new, but no so new, let's hear it for 1973 house.  We love it, truly.  It has been such a blessing.  It is us.  Over half of the family and friends that have graced our doorstep have stated, "Now, this feels like you.  Your other home was beautiful, but this is you."  I love hearing that because I agree!  We are at peace here and fell in to it being ours immediately.  

4.  We lived through the season of celebrating yet another 'should have been' first birthday for our youngest, Samuel.  I can't believe it has been over a year since he was taken Home.  Since we moved, my grief has taken on a new face.  I still cry over my baby boys, yes, but not near as frequently.  Also, the tears are not always negative.  Sometimes they are for thanksgiving in being able to have children and have the experiences of being their mom.  I think about them daily, but such a peace has come over my heart followed by calm belief that I will see them again one day. 

5.  This one is so big it requires a blog post of its own...