Doesn't Make Sense

Matthew received the call today that Ethan's headstone had arrived and was in place, so we went this evening to the cemetery for the first time since his memorial service. As soon as Matt told me it had come, I started crying and I cried all the way to the cemetery, so I knew this wasn't going to be pretty. We cut some flowers that were growing in our yard, a type of lily, a hydrangea bloom and another flower of which I don't know the name, to be placed in the vase we purchased along with the headstone.

The cemetery was peaceful and beautiful and green. We escaped a Southern Summer storm for this visit. As soon as I walked up on Ethan's spot, with tears streaming of course, I noticed the little pieces of dirt scattered on top of the headstone and immediately wanted to clean his spot off...nurturing and motherly desire I guess. Wanting to care for my baby who is with the best Caretaker in the whole world. I found a broom and cleaned his plot off and proceeded to sit in the dirt next to the headstone and cry in to the super-absorbent washcloth I brought, as I knew a few tissues weren't going to cut it.

There was no vase at the site. We laid the flowers on top knowing that the first strong wind would toss them haphazardly about and hoping I would not see them this way the next time I came to visit.

Many thoughts going through my head, but the main one being "Why is sin manifested in this way?". You grow up learning sin is telling a lie, being mean to a sibling or eating their brownie that was meant for their dessert, not in the death of a child. Why does sin in this case equal Ethan dying? I don't understand...