Tomorrow is our son's birthday. April 21st will always be his birth day, but it hurts my heart to know there is no birthday. About 8 months after Ethan passed away, I realized that I would, Matthew would and even family and friends will always have "would have been" thoughts and statements for him. He "would have been" one year old tomorrow. There "would have been" cake, ice cream, a gathering of people to celebrate this life. Instead there is nothing at least not like one would hope.

We have plans to celebrate tomorrow though. I have purchased a fresh set of colorful and vibrant silk flowers to place at Ethan's grave. Matthew has been given the mission to obtain a "Happy Birthday" balloon from the grocery store to also be placed with the silk flowers. Visit his grave, indulge our emotions in an unhealthy breakfast at Chick-fil-A, then we are getting the heck out of dodge.

Our plan is to still celebrate our son's life, although short, still meaningful. What do you do for a child that is not with you? What do you do for yourself as a way to mourn as well as cope? Well, we decided sitting around a table crying over a cut cake and melting ice cream with our tears was not the way to go. We are heading for the zoo and hopefully to a ballgame if the weather and my pregnancy affected energy levels hold up. We feel at peace and comforted by taking part in activities we actually would have done with him if he were here with us.