I wrote this about six weeks ago...
A positive pregnancy test. One would think erupting joy and a smiling face that can't be squelched would be the result, right? Well, I am happy. Also, I am not jumping up and down in excitement. With taking the test and learning the results, my thoughts bounce from, "I need to tell my husband." to "What have I done?" to "There is another soul in my womb. God has blessed me with allowing me to mother and grow another soul." My last thought, "I need to talk to my mom."
A positive pregnancy test. One would think erupting joy and a smiling face that can't be squelched would be the result, right? Well, I am happy. Also, I am not jumping up and down in excitement. With taking the test and learning the results, my thoughts bounce from, "I need to tell my husband." to "What have I done?" to "There is another soul in my womb. God has blessed me with allowing me to mother and grow another soul." My last thought, "I need to talk to my mom."
Everyday is a journey. Everyday. Some are calmer than others. Some I wish were calmer.
Tonight, my husband and I will pick back up The Storybook Bible and read to our newest little peanut. To the soul that is in my womb. We have not touched this book since we were in the hospital with Samuel. It has brought too much grief, sadness, heart-wrenching tears. It will still be hard tonight, when the dust is brushed off and the pages turned again, but it is worth feeling all these things to celebrate this little soul we have been given to parent.
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