#5

Dear Family and Friends,

Matt and I hope this letter finds you well.  Wow, what a year 2013 has been and it seems to be flying by! 

We were recently blessed with a beautiful home in Roswell, GA.  We still have boxes to unpack, new neighbors to meet and many projects planned for around the house.  Now that we have a home, we desire to fill up some bedrooms; therefore, turning our focus and energy in to growing our family.  As you know, we have two boys, Ethan and Samuel, whom God called Home.  We are thankful for our children, feel blessed to have been able to have children, yet we still feel called and have the strong desire to be “hands-on” parents.  With this pull on our hearts, we have decided to pursue adoption. 

We are all adopted by the love of Christ and feel adoption of children and loved ones, not necessarily biologically related, to be a blessing from God.  Adoption, at least in the legal sense, is not an easy or quick process.  We would ask, if God places it on your heart, to pray for Matt and myself in regards to adopting a child(ren).  The following are specific prayer requests that we know to have at this time:

• We would like to adopt an infant.
• Pray for our future child(ren).
• Pray for our child’s biological mother/father and that they receive the love and care they need in making such a brave and tough decision to put their child up for adoption.
• Please pray the birthmother does not feel ashamed.
• Pray for our hearts and our marriage as we navigate this path.
• Pray for God to be glorified, for miracles and ultimately God’s Will be done.
• Pray for financial miracles and support to fall in to place.
• Pray for the adoption agency, which we still need to choose.
• Pray for a private adoption apart from an agency.  We are open to private adoption from Georgia or any other state.  If you happen to hear of a private adoption, we do ask you pray about it prior to sharing it with us especially if you are noticing any red flags.

We are very early on in the process and know that taking one day at a time is best and imperative.  This is not going to be an easy journey.  We do know God has shown His love for us through surrounding us with amazing family and friends, a wonderful church and strong community.  We feel blessed to have you all in our lives.

With love,

Matt and Sarah

Update

Whew!  What a whirlwind.  A whirlwind that has kept me from blogging in a long time.  Let me catch you up to speed...

 

1.  We finally sold our house!  After two years on the market with only a brief break during that time, it has been take from us.  What a weight has been lifted.  We are so thankful.  Also, since the house sold in 3 weeks from the time the contract started, we did not feel we had time to look for something and make sure it was right for us.  After over 3 years of limbo, we were only willing to pick what was right for us and we were not going to settle for any house.  So that brings us to #2...

 

2.  We moved in with my Dad and stepmom.  Wow...more blessings!  For me, the 5 months we lived with them was such a time of respite.  Surface to deep respite that infiltrated my soul and let my physical body relax even.  God used that time to do some tinkering in my heart and start some real changes in me.

3.  We bought a house!  We are now living in our new, but no so new, let's hear it for 1973 house.  We love it, truly.  It has been such a blessing.  It is us.  Over half of the family and friends that have graced our doorstep have stated, "Now, this feels like you.  Your other home was beautiful, but this is you."  I love hearing that because I agree!  We are at peace here and fell in to it being ours immediately.  

4.  We lived through the season of celebrating yet another 'should have been' first birthday for our youngest, Samuel.  I can't believe it has been over a year since he was taken Home.  Since we moved, my grief has taken on a new face.  I still cry over my baby boys, yes, but not near as frequently.  Also, the tears are not always negative.  Sometimes they are for thanksgiving in being able to have children and have the experiences of being their mom.  I think about them daily, but such a peace has come over my heart followed by calm belief that I will see them again one day. 

5.  This one is so big it requires a blog post of its own...

Happy Birthday Sweet Samuel Keith

We love you, Samuel!  We miss you and your sweet, chunky cheeks and cute, button nose.  You were my laid back baby.  I look forward to the day when we are reunited.

Could this become ours???

We will see.

I had a realization today about being a new mother.  New moms are incredibly busy with their new, little charge.  Taking care of the needs of another from feeding to changing to catching baby's new facial expressions to doctor appointments.  What I realized, when I became a mother and other parents like me whom have lost their children, parenting is still a full time job.  The difference is that parenthood now presents in the form of grief rather than nursing, changing diapers, scheduling naps and the list goes on and on.  Both definitions of the job of parenting are incredibly important.  Grieving is a full time job.  I have always felt like I am a parent and I realize some have trouble swallowing this definition of parenting.  I am a mom.  I am experiencing an aspect of motherhood that no mother should ever have to experience, yet it is still the reality of being a parent.

A sculpture made by a good friend, Katy, in honor of our first son, Ethan, and a baby girl who also took "early flight".

Makeshift Milkshake

I am still managing to stay away from processed foods and added processed sugars.  It's amazing!  I feel like a rock star.  Part of what is contributing to success up to this point, thankfully people have shared a couple of recipes with me for when my sweet tooth is acting up.  The following is a milkshake of sorts that my sister taught me.  Here goes and as you will see, I didn't really pay attention to measurements:

Ice

Milk or cream (half of the amount of ice)

1 T of peanut butter

1 T of cocoa powder

Sugar substitute or squirt of honey to you liking

1 T almonds

Toss all the items in a blender and mix well.  You can change this up however you like.  For instance, I added the almonds and changed using a sugar substitute to using honey.  You could probably add strawberries to this, really whatever you fancy.  The hard part has been not eating one of these everyday.  Enjoy!

 

Isn't it amazing when your heart and mind experience a new realization about yourself, the world around you or life in general?  Over the past month, a handful of items have been moving around in my soul.  The initial uncovering is quite painful, humiliating, shocking and threatens to bring shame, but the Beauty that follows surpasses all these things.  A new Freedom is felt, a new lightness, a new sense of self as well as a new sense of not belonging to oneself.  Does it stick around and persist?  For me, no, but now I know what is possible and I desperately pray for it to return and Infiltrate my heart; change me for good and stay with me and may I share it with others.

Pacifying Pancakes

Recently, I chose to give up flour and processed sugar, again.  *sigh*  I am not a fast learner.  I have done this several times in the past and it always amazes me how much better I feel and how efficiently my body operates.  You think that would teach me something, right?  Nope.  I always go back to my old ways.  Well, I have jumped back on the trolley.  It is going well thus far and I realized last night that I have had only one headache, no stomach aches, no bloating or feeling heavy and clearer thinking in the past couple of weeks.  Oh, I can't forget to mention and this one is huge, no heartburn.  I have had heartburn since November!

All this said, when I ran across this recipe for makeshift pancakes, I almost fell out of my chair.  It is funny, as I am not even a huge pancake fan.  The recipe is as follows:

1 egg

1 banana

1 T peanut butter

Mix it up and throw it in the skillet!  Yep!  That is all.

Now, if you know me, I can't leave well enough alone, so I added a couple items.

2 T almonds ground up

2 T oats ground up

Mix all 5 items together in the blender and now toss it in the skillet in butter, coconut oil, etc.

My opinion...this is a keeper.  Are they pancakes?  No, but I am absolutely alright with that since I do not like how pancakes make me feel afterwards.  I am thrilled with how these taste knowing there are no fake yucks hiding anywhere in the mix, but next time I make them, I may add a smidgen of honey, cinnamon and nutmeg to the mix.  You can really tweak these however you like.  For "syrup" I blended up blueberries, a couple strawberries and 2 tablespoons of OJ.  When you use as much of the concoction as you like on your pancakes, you have enough left over to drink as a smoothie.  Next time, I am going to try pineapple "syrup".  Side note:  Use a good blender and this will not take near as long as it took me.  This recipe made 3 pancakes.  I wonder if these can be placed in the freezer?