Taking Steps

We have chosen a lawyer!  Let me say it again.  We have chosen an adoption lawyer!  This is big news.  To reach this point has taken much longer than I was anticipating.  It has required a lot of reading and research, prayer, patience, included some small fits as I was not patient due to feeling the process should be moving more quickly.  Then an attitude shift back to sitting in the decision that needed to be made and acting like an adult (hopefully) once again.  Well, the application has been filled out and hopefully will be picked up by the mailman today.

Check.  Done.  Complete.  What now?

Waking up this morning, it hit me that while we have been budgeting to adopt, we do not have all our finances in place.  Uhhh, dark cloud trying to settle over my head...  Then I asked myself, "Well, is it too early to start fundraising?"  Part of me thinks it is.  But then, the voice in my head, my voice mind you, says "It is not too early as it is incredibly expensive and you never know when you might get a call and need to start signing checks."  Then the same voice with a different attitude, "Well, that is where faith comes in.  Have faith that God is going to provide for you saying that adoption is his will for you and Matt, but yes, you need to do some leg work lady."  

As you have probably gathered, I am slightly overwhelmed as I am having many conversations in my head, but again, all my own voice so no one worries.  :)  One thing I know is true that I realized this morning, I am embarrassed.  I am embarrassed to reach out to the community and ask them to help me save and contribute money to adopt a child and on top of it all, we want more than one.  You may think that is a wrong attitude but in living in reality here, adoption costs a lot of money.  It is a true concern.  I don't know where to start past us budgeting what feels like dropping a few pennies in a very large bucket every month.  I don't know how to bring it up to people gracefully and with grace flowing from my heart because I feel uncomfortable.  Ugghhh...what an odd place to be.  Well, I do know from experience and belief that if you claim an issue in your life, wrestle with and examine it and most importantly take it to God, movement will happen.  Big thing to remember though...it is His timing and not my own.

My husband is so wise, calm and much better with words than I am.  I shared with him what I typed above.  He re-worded my thoughts for me and stated,"What we are paying for are the lawyer fees, homestudy and such so that we can bring children home."  Correct and said more eloquently than I did.  :)

So, I guess that presents new prayer requests.  I need to get over myself and not live in fear.  I need to believe that I am loved beyond measure, believe in the love of the community God has placed us in, believe in miracles and continue to hope and pray for the little person(s) that God has out there for me and Matt.