Lotion Bars

Finally, I am posting the recipe for the lotion bars I mentioned at the beginning of January.  I found a basic recipe through a blog I follow and then I refined it to my liking.  The basic recipe includes:

1/3 cup beeswax

1/3 cup coconut oil

1/3 cup shea butter
essential oils (optional)

Heat the beeswax in a double boiler.  Stir frequently.  As it starts to melt, at the coconut oil and stir frequently until it is completely melted.  Then, add the shea butter and stir continuously until it is completely melted.  Do not stir too long past melting as it will cause the mixture to become grainy.  Pour the mixture in to the mold of your choice and place in the fridge for 30 minutes or so depending on the thickness of the mold.  Essential oils may be used but are optional.

These bars were made for my etsy shop.

Lotion bars are amazing and I am glad I discovered them!  With working in the healthcare field, I wash my hands frequently and in the Winter the end result is cracking of my skin.  Since I have been using lotion bars, this is no longer an issue.

Decisions, decisions.  Sometimes they are easy to obtain like grabbing the OJ out of the fridge, yet other times it is like trying to grab a fish out of the water with your bare hands.  To make matters worse, that fish is your next meal and survival is dependent on you snagging it.  Loss of footing or a tip of the boat, the fish you brushed with your fingertips is gone and your hunger pains are just that...painful and stabbing with despair and panic not too far behind.  Picture painted?  Ok.

So, what does making a huge decision look like in the realm of deciding to try and have another baby after losing Ethan and Samuel versus adoption?  It isn't easy like wanting a sweet treat and grabbing the OJ from the big, cold box in your kitchen.  Rather it feels like the meal that just got away and the hunger pains are setting in, along with the panic and anxiety.  The panic leads to thrashing around in the water, scaring any potential dinner away and leaving me breathless and exhausted, hopeless and sad.

Several small situations happened to us since last Thursday.  Do they mean anything?  God uses the big as well as the small in this life to do His work.  I believe this.  I believe in the small things and think they can be even more powerful than the big.  Our boy's lives reflect that notion(small in stature).  So, was it any small thing that Matt asked about a particular church and the work they do in the community?  Or us talking about maybe taking some steps towards adoption and seeing if those doors open or close?  An hour and a half past that discussion, was it a small thing that we were randomly handed prepared information on an adoption meeting taking place in two weeks at the aforementioned church?  Now that I have labeled it as small, I realize how BIG it has the potential to be. 

There is a plan.  I don't know it.  Someone else does.

A precious baby so small yet so big.

I Have Been Avoiding Myself

A couple of days ago, I realized I have been avoiding myself.  I have not written in regards to our boys, the grieving process or the path we have most recently taken in trying to expand our little family.  It hit me with an oh-so-subtle-slap-in-the-face that I have not shared these feelings because I have been living in fear of writing them.  Fearful of what emotions may come out.  Fearful of sitting at the keyboard crying like I have done so many times in the past 2 years.  Initially, I was not writing because we were given an ounce of hope again by visiting the Reproductive Specialist, a new path.  Well, after all the testing, we are back to square one.  There are no answers.

More to come as I am able to handle the emotions and processing that comes with typing our story.  

Oops!

I accidentally forgot about these little guys!  They were suppose to be part of the Fall crop, an experiment, as I had never done any Autumn planting until this past year.  Growing food amazes me, from a tiny seed to an edible and sustaining treat.  Natural food is a miracle.

Homemade deodorant update...it is awesome and I am hooked!

Also, when I receive the ingredients in the mail, I am going to try my hand at homemade lotion bars.  I have done a lot of research, picked a recipe I like and will let you know how it goes.

Are you trying any new homemade recipes these days?

I am no stranger to odd looks or laughs from my husband and family when it comes to some of my homemade/save money concoctions and experiments.  It is ok reader.  You may laugh too, but at least I cannot hear you.  My latest experiment is homemade deodorant.  Aren't you excited?!?  I discovered the existence of this through another blog I read, Thankfully Thrifty.  I made some last night and while I have only tried it once, I love the idea of it and therefore wanted to share it with you.  So far, I haven't received any offensive looks from anyone, so I will accept this as a positive sign.  Again, as with the reason I have made other homemade items, I chose to do this because I can pronounce all the ingredients, as they are natural, and it is cheaper than buying the superdeeduper kind from health food stores.  Also, I am not a fan of chemicals found in deodorants. 

3 T of coconut oil

1/4 c cornstarch or arrowroot

1/4 c baking soda

10 drops of essential oils (optional)

I ended up placing all these items, sans essential oils, in a plastic bag to mix them.  My body heat melted the coconut oil rapidly as trying to mix in a bowl proved difficult.  Once I placed it in the mason jar, it was a liquid which was solved with a 10 minute visit to the fridge.  Next time I make this, I will warm up the oil first, then combine it with the powders.

Side note...yesterday my sister stopped by and requested the recipe for homemade laundry detergent.  I have a convert!  It made my day.  She stated she really liked the powder, how well it worked and how much cheaper it is than the store bought detergent.  Still smiling this morning...

My Latest Craft Affair

I have learned about loom knitting.  Sounds crazy fun doesn't it?!?  I have avoided looms up to this point because for some odd reason, I thought they were a wait to cheat in the land of knitting.  Well, I am silly and it is not cheating, but just another form of knitting and a much faster form too.  My most recent love is making hats for babies.  My girlfriends are popping out babies left and right and thankfully, I have been able to share some hats with some of those new, sweet babies.

This particular hat is for a preemie.

Anyone else out there still feeling the sheer weight and lethargy from Thanksgiving?  I am!  It is Wednesday, I am still exhausted and my pants are uncomfortably snug already.  I guess it is that time of year again and it probably won't calm down until after the New Year.  Ugghhh...

So, does it have to be this way?  I figure that I do have options here.  The church we recently became members of is embracing "Christmas Different" this year.  Basically, don't spend all your time in the mall or swiping the credit card for money you don't actually have on gifts.  Rather spend that time with family and friends and try homemade gifts, potlucks, singing Christmas carols and loving on people.  Can it be done?  I definitely believe one can be successful at this if they want.  Will that include me?  I don't know but one can try.

In the realm of health, last night I walked long after the sun had set and finally the rainy drizzle had ceased.  Also, I was pretty excited that I was able to turn down the Peanut M&Ms offered to me with noticeable self-control.  I didn't even have to excuse myself from the room while my dad enjoyed the colorful sweets.  I love sweets!  If I eat one, before I know it I have eaten half the 5lb bag.  Will this continue?  Who am I kidding?  Probably not.

How about you?  What do the holidays feel like to you?  Do you dread them or do they awaken a part of you that leaps for joy during this season?  What traditions does your family take part in that my be outside the norm for our society?

Samuel's Story written by his Daddy

We are made stewards of precious things and never by choice.  It is given to us as God gave Adam stewardship over the plants and the animals.  The creator decides and we are left to accept.  One of these precious gifts is the stewardship of our selves.  We are given discretion and responsibility and make decisions on the life that has been given us.  We teach our children how to be good stewards of themselves and the world around them.  Sometimes, though, for whatever reason, another must take this role of stewardship.  Such is the case with our little Samuel.  It is up to me to be a good steward of my son.  His memory and impact on this earth are directly related to how I hold them up.  My own selfish desire to be angry or bitter does not honor my son and does not make me a good steward of his memory.  I refuse to tarnish his short precious life with a darkness of spirit.  We honor him by glorifying his life and the creator that knit him together so preciously.  We are all a steward to Samuel's life. This doesn't mean we can't mourn or be sad for the loss, but it means we sacrifice the desire to dwell in bitterness, anger, and faithlessness.  As he bravely fought, we must honor him by glorifying the one that gave him to us.

Hannah explained, "I have asked for him from the lord," as she named her new son Samuel.  The Lord answered her prayer and Hannah gave her son to Him.  We prayed for our Samuel and loved him before we knew his name.  The Lord answered our prayer, but I lived fearfully.  I had faith all would be fine, but my heart remembered Samuel's brother.  Fear keeps us from life.  Its desire is to discourage and bind.  I lived cautiously.

Weeks passed and Samuel grew miraculously.  Fingers and toes were fearfully and wonderfully made.  His little heartbeat, which we first heard at 6 weeks, was perfect and pure.  We saw the ultrasound and it was unmistakable we were having a boy.  We rejoiced and laughed and felt light.  A few minutes later we were told to go straight to the hospital.  My heart remembered.  It knew this feeling.  We had been here before.

All was stable for the first few days.  There was a plan in place and we were just to wait.  Then just as suddenly as we were there, Sarah's water broke.  Our stability was again broken and the memories rushed back.  There was no way we could do this again.  Everything was all too familiar. 

But nothing happened.  We continued in the hospital and lived in the frigid recycled air for 2 weeks.  Samuel was alive and his precious heartbeat was music to our ears.  The most perfect melody ever played.  We were shown grace and something inside changed.  This was not the time to live in fear, it was given time.  We are all on loan here on this earth, and there are times when we realize it.  Our son was still with us and we were going to enjoy him.  We read to him at night and prayed for him.  But we were not so much praying for him anymore as we were praying with him.  We were teaching him to be a good steward, as best we knew how. 

Those days were a gift.  It's sometimes hard to see it that way, but they were.  After two weeks we went in for another ultrasound and the melody had stopped.  Samuel's heart was no longer beating.  We unwillingly gave him to the Lord.

We take comfort in knowing that Samuel is with his brother, Ethan.  I long to see my boys and tell them face to face in the kingdom how much they are loved.  I am proud of them and thankful for them.  Our time was short, but it doesn't make it any less important.  I am deeply humbled and happy to see all of you and to know how much our boys are loved.  There are three things, the bible says, faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love.  The love that our boys brought in to the world is real and tangible.  I could not ask anything more of their lives than that they fostered love.  That is the greatest legacy of all.


Mommy writing now...

Amazingly enough, Samuel's story is continuing today.  Stories have been shared how his life has affected others hearts even now.  God is using our little boy.  We are honored and proud as parents.  

Baby Memorial

 Samuel's candle is on the bottom row, second from the left.

We contributed two sunflowers.

Today we celebrated the lives of babies that have passed away over the last 6 months.  The room where the memorial took place was devastatingly full to capacity.  Matt and I walked in to the room with a different heart this year as we have done all this before.  Still, tears were shed.  An excerpt from a writing by Matthew that was read at Samuel's memorial service back in July was shared today, along with other families contributions of poems and short stories.  One was even presented in Spanish.  Big brothers and sisters mourned their sibling, parents came forth with empty arms having lost twins and even triplets.  We love our children and want to honor them the best we can.  We are parents.