Amazed

I am amazed.  Prayer is amazing.  I am flabbergasted.  I have been provided a tool to talk to God.  Hello?!?  That is amazing!  I have been given a tool to petition to God on behalf of little people that are dependent on others to fight for them.  Adoption, yes, I am talking about adoption and I am talking about Ephraim and other children like him that need organs in order to survive and I am talking about the neighbor around the corner that is a complete stranger yet a struggle has been shared in order that I will fight for her.  That I might cry out to God for safe homes for sweet children, for kidneys and other organs to become available to children that are slowly dying, that God will intervene on a strangers behalf and show Himself.

Do you get it?  I don't get it 99% of the time.  I catch glimpses here and there where I get it and you know what?  It knocks me over due to its mightiness.  Due to its extreme power.  Due to the intimacy and the emotion.  Due to love.  Love.  God has been shredding and tearing apart my heart to teach me to love.  To teach me to feel others pain and tangibly too.  To look outside myself and to see that ALL people are created by Him and in His image.  And you know what this does to me?  It throws me into prayer.

Consider Supporting Ephraim and His Family

I have the privilege of knowing the Harding family.  It truly is just that, a privilege.  This family has battled through many health wars in regards to their four year old son, Ephraim, since before his birth.  Ephraim has experienced kidney failure, has been on dialysis three times a week for several months and was recently told that a kidney donor match has been found.  Ephraim is scheduled to get a kidney transplant at the end of October!  Please take a few minutes and meet Ephraim through the following video.  He is an amazing child created by an amazing God.

 

In Our Corner of the Neighborhood

I have experienced all the above scenes on our 3/4 acre lot.  I am excited but nervous as to what I may come across next.

Hardship Can Be Beautiful

For the last four months, my husband and I have been on a roller coaster ride pursuing a private adoption of twin boys.  Whoa!  Do you need a minute to digest that information?  Through the power of social media, it was brought to our attention that there was a young mother not too far from where we live pursuing placing her twin boys up for adoption.  Without too much thought, we decided to pursue it.  We had been trying to choose an adoption agency and having a really hard time, so when this fell into our laps, I felt it was an answer to prayer as I did not want to go through an agency.  Back and forth with significant lapses of time in between communication, we sent our biographies, were told the birth mother was going to start interviewing couples, did not hear anything for weeks knowing that each day that passed was one closer to the birth, finally met the birth mother during a beautiful 2-hour meeting at a park, started and completed our home study in 3 weeks, five weeks later told we were one of two couples they were deciding between, another visit with the birth mother and then BAM! we were chosen as the adoptive couple with two weeks to prepare for two boys and having nothing other than a pair of yellow socks meant for an infant.  At that point, we started attending a handful of doctors appointments, friends, family and strangers donated items so that we could be prepared for the boys arrival and we did the next appropriate thing, contact our lawyer.  With just days until the scheduled C-section was set to take place and our excitement growing hourly on meeting our sons, we had our lawyer send over the appropriate paperwork for the adoption to take place and for us to obtain temporary POA as one of the boys was going to need extensive medical care.  Well with that move, all communication from the birth mother and grandmother ceased.  Matt was very calm and felt nothing was askew as throughout this whole process, there were many times where we would not hear anything for weeks.  I was not as calm as the boys were due any day as the birth mother has already started experiencing contractions.  On a Friday, as I was preparing for my youngest sister's wedding rehearsal, Matt called with the heart stopping news that we were no longer chosen to adopt the twin boys.  WHAT?!?  I exclaimed into the phone.  He said a text message had been sent to our emails stating that due to the legal paperwork, the birth mother had lost faith in us, our bond of trust was broken and the adoption was off.  Well, as you can probably imagine, we were heart broken.  Lose their trust???  All the paperwork sent over was normal protocol!  This did not make any sense.  Something was going on.  Matt proceeded to call the birth mother, grandmother and text back the number that sent us the email.  No one responded.  Later that Friday night, Matt emailed the birth mother asking for more or an explanation.  Saturday dawned with no answer and with it being Leslie and Andy's wedding day, Matt gave me the pep talk to give this day over to the excitement and festivities that came with a new marriage.  I decided and prayed  to fight hard for my sister's wedding day and to focus on her.  While getting our hair done at the salon, the birth mother called me and left a message.  I did not notice the call until after leaving the salon, which I promptly called Matt five times to have him get the message off my phone so I could focus on my sister.  I was beside myself!  Matt and I finally connected and within a matter of minutes called me back saying that the birth mother had gone into labor on Friday, having never called us as was our plan, and once she saw her children, she decided to keep them.

So, that is our roller coaster ride and we still have not stopped to step off even though we are very dizzy, disheartened and weary.

Would you believe, with all the craziness described above, we still felt incredibly loved and cared for by God through the work, tears, anger, prayers and hugs of our family, friends and strangers?  We were given less than two weeks to plan for the twins and with family and friends shooting off emails and praying, our home became equipped overnight to take on these two bundles.  Once we received the news we were no longer chosen to be their parents, people consistently checked in on us, prayed for us and grieved with us.  I even felt incredibly proud of the birth mother.  She loves her children.  If there is love, comfort and safety in a home, then yes, children should be with their biological parents.  We were even protected financially.  After it was all said and done, the only money we spent included our home study, which you have to spend in ANY adoption situation and an application fee for a FL lawyer who we are still going to pursue.  Do you realize people can spend thousands on a potential adoption, have it fall through and along with heartache are out all that money?  So, as stated above, we are still finding beauty and feeling the love of Christ despite this most recent hardship.  Don't get me wrong, we were and are still very much affected by this most recent difficulty.  We are tired, discouraged, soul weary and fight against lies that pop into our heads.  BUT, we know that we are loved and there is a plan for us.

All these photos above are of all of you, the body of Christ, our family and the community, that loved on us with our most recent adoption adventure.  Thank you, thank you from the bottom of our hearts.  You are amazing, have loved us so well AND we love you!  During the mass chaos of prepping our house for the twins, I was not able to document everything.  So, to the person whom I don't even know that left two bags of clothes in our carport, the friends that offered us carseats and gave us "baby needs" lists, the strangers who supplied us with cribs, BUMBO, swings, the friends who mailed up diapers, clothes, bottles, ordered slings and so many other items, friends who offered Matt work space and offered up their homes close to the hospital where we would have been visiting Baby B, to family that supplied us with so many items and gave up their time to prep the playroom and friends that became "point people" and took over organizing so that our heads would not explode...the list goes on and on, I cannot thank you enough.  We appreciate all of you!

Learning

I had such a great realization today!  It came about due to some literature I have been reading on adoption in regards to adoptive parents experiences with having children that are not biological.  Their point of view has me realizing things about my own family and we are all blood related.  For me, it has been a very personal realization and eye opening, especially in being raised with a blended family.  I am still processing these new thoughts, so I will get back to you...

Have you had any eye opening moments today?

"Learning" continued...

I am currently reading A Love Like No Other:  Stories from Adoptive Parents edited by Pamela Kruger and Jill Smolowe.  One of the entries by Jacquelyn Mitchard titled "Which One Are Yours?" really resonated with me.  Jacquelyn explains how she and her first husband, prior to him passing away from cancer, had biological children as well as adopted.  After her husband passed and with time, she married again.  Her current husband legally adopted all the children from her previous marriage and then they together adopted even more children.  The essay opens with Jacquelyn being interviewed by a reporter with the reporter asking the despised question of "Which one are yours?" while looking over a photo of all her children.  This question always upsets the author.  The interviewer becomes somewhat frustrated with the interviewee as she will not answer the question the way the interviewer wants her to, by labeling which children are biological and which ones are adopted.  Jacquelyn just won't do it!  While describing yet another scenario, she states, "She assumed that since I didn't have a "normal" family according to her calculus-that is to say, "biological"-she had a right to treat them as "chemical," as if they were interesting objects who might be examined under her personal microscope, as if they were not living, loved, sentient humans with ears to hear and hearts to harm."  Another statement I read and really appreciated goes as follows, "I was adopted" not "I am adopted."

In the intro, I mentioned my own biological family, so you may be wondering my point or the connection here.  Well, I come from a blended family, in fact, that is all I know.  I am 33 years old.  All of my siblings were raised together and treated equally.  All seven of us.  When people ask me how many "real" brothers and sisters I have, it upsets me.  Who is allowed to downplay the number of "real" kids in my family.  No one.  We all have "ears to hear and hearts to harm."  We are all real.  So, I am forever changing how I answer the question of how many real siblings I have.  We are all real.  Love is real.  Family is real no matter how it looks.  Sidenote:  Due to my parents both remarrying, I not only have real siblings, I also have real aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and family friends that I never would have known.  I am thankful for all of my real family and looking forward to sharing and expanding it through adoption.

 

Taking Steps

We have chosen a lawyer!  Let me say it again.  We have chosen an adoption lawyer!  This is big news.  To reach this point has taken much longer than I was anticipating.  It has required a lot of reading and research, prayer, patience, included some small fits as I was not patient due to feeling the process should be moving more quickly.  Then an attitude shift back to sitting in the decision that needed to be made and acting like an adult (hopefully) once again.  Well, the application has been filled out and hopefully will be picked up by the mailman today.

Check.  Done.  Complete.  What now?

Waking up this morning, it hit me that while we have been budgeting to adopt, we do not have all our finances in place.  Uhhh, dark cloud trying to settle over my head...  Then I asked myself, "Well, is it too early to start fundraising?"  Part of me thinks it is.  But then, the voice in my head, my voice mind you, says "It is not too early as it is incredibly expensive and you never know when you might get a call and need to start signing checks."  Then the same voice with a different attitude, "Well, that is where faith comes in.  Have faith that God is going to provide for you saying that adoption is his will for you and Matt, but yes, you need to do some leg work lady."  

As you have probably gathered, I am slightly overwhelmed as I am having many conversations in my head, but again, all my own voice so no one worries.  :)  One thing I know is true that I realized this morning, I am embarrassed.  I am embarrassed to reach out to the community and ask them to help me save and contribute money to adopt a child and on top of it all, we want more than one.  You may think that is a wrong attitude but in living in reality here, adoption costs a lot of money.  It is a true concern.  I don't know where to start past us budgeting what feels like dropping a few pennies in a very large bucket every month.  I don't know how to bring it up to people gracefully and with grace flowing from my heart because I feel uncomfortable.  Ugghhh...what an odd place to be.  Well, I do know from experience and belief that if you claim an issue in your life, wrestle with and examine it and most importantly take it to God, movement will happen.  Big thing to remember though...it is His timing and not my own.

My husband is so wise, calm and much better with words than I am.  I shared with him what I typed above.  He re-worded my thoughts for me and stated,"What we are paying for are the lawyer fees, homestudy and such so that we can bring children home."  Correct and said more eloquently than I did.  :)

So, I guess that presents new prayer requests.  I need to get over myself and not live in fear.  I need to believe that I am loved beyond measure, believe in the love of the community God has placed us in, believe in miracles and continue to hope and pray for the little person(s) that God has out there for me and Matt.

La casa nueva

#5

Dear Family and Friends,

Matt and I hope this letter finds you well.  Wow, what a year 2013 has been and it seems to be flying by! 

We were recently blessed with a beautiful home in Roswell, GA.  We still have boxes to unpack, new neighbors to meet and many projects planned for around the house.  Now that we have a home, we desire to fill up some bedrooms; therefore, turning our focus and energy in to growing our family.  As you know, we have two boys, Ethan and Samuel, whom God called Home.  We are thankful for our children, feel blessed to have been able to have children, yet we still feel called and have the strong desire to be “hands-on” parents.  With this pull on our hearts, we have decided to pursue adoption. 

We are all adopted by the love of Christ and feel adoption of children and loved ones, not necessarily biologically related, to be a blessing from God.  Adoption, at least in the legal sense, is not an easy or quick process.  We would ask, if God places it on your heart, to pray for Matt and myself in regards to adopting a child(ren).  The following are specific prayer requests that we know to have at this time:

• We would like to adopt an infant.
• Pray for our future child(ren).
• Pray for our child’s biological mother/father and that they receive the love and care they need in making such a brave and tough decision to put their child up for adoption.
• Please pray the birthmother does not feel ashamed.
• Pray for our hearts and our marriage as we navigate this path.
• Pray for God to be glorified, for miracles and ultimately God’s Will be done.
• Pray for financial miracles and support to fall in to place.
• Pray for the adoption agency, which we still need to choose.
• Pray for a private adoption apart from an agency.  We are open to private adoption from Georgia or any other state.  If you happen to hear of a private adoption, we do ask you pray about it prior to sharing it with us especially if you are noticing any red flags.

We are very early on in the process and know that taking one day at a time is best and imperative.  This is not going to be an easy journey.  We do know God has shown His love for us through surrounding us with amazing family and friends, a wonderful church and strong community.  We feel blessed to have you all in our lives.

With love,

Matt and Sarah

Update

Whew!  What a whirlwind.  A whirlwind that has kept me from blogging in a long time.  Let me catch you up to speed...

 

1.  We finally sold our house!  After two years on the market with only a brief break during that time, it has been take from us.  What a weight has been lifted.  We are so thankful.  Also, since the house sold in 3 weeks from the time the contract started, we did not feel we had time to look for something and make sure it was right for us.  After over 3 years of limbo, we were only willing to pick what was right for us and we were not going to settle for any house.  So that brings us to #2...

 

2.  We moved in with my Dad and stepmom.  Wow...more blessings!  For me, the 5 months we lived with them was such a time of respite.  Surface to deep respite that infiltrated my soul and let my physical body relax even.  God used that time to do some tinkering in my heart and start some real changes in me.

3.  We bought a house!  We are now living in our new, but no so new, let's hear it for 1973 house.  We love it, truly.  It has been such a blessing.  It is us.  Over half of the family and friends that have graced our doorstep have stated, "Now, this feels like you.  Your other home was beautiful, but this is you."  I love hearing that because I agree!  We are at peace here and fell in to it being ours immediately.  

4.  We lived through the season of celebrating yet another 'should have been' first birthday for our youngest, Samuel.  I can't believe it has been over a year since he was taken Home.  Since we moved, my grief has taken on a new face.  I still cry over my baby boys, yes, but not near as frequently.  Also, the tears are not always negative.  Sometimes they are for thanksgiving in being able to have children and have the experiences of being their mom.  I think about them daily, but such a peace has come over my heart followed by calm belief that I will see them again one day. 

5.  This one is so big it requires a blog post of its own...