Searching the grounds for the broom I claimed last time I was here, finally finding it and feel relief wash over me. Sweeping off the small rectangle holding the name of our son, his beautiful name, the date he joined us on this Earth way too early and the image of Jesus holding a boy and a girl on his lap and gazing lovingly in to their faces. His headstone now also bares the vase that we learned was stored upside down in the ground until you pull it out yourself...thank you Cassie for teaching us that, but really, no one should have to learn a lesson on where to find their loved one's vase that accompanies the headstone. Two 'Hot Wheels' cars now grace the quiet site that holds our boy's physical remains. His daddy wanted to give him some toys and he did, but we had to play with them, Ethan never will. Matthew ran them over my leg as we sat on the couch admiring his purchases and how Ethan would have loved them, especially since they were a gift from his daddy. With these sincere acts of wanting to love our son, all the while tears streaming down my face as I choke out what great gifts Matthew supplied for his baby. All these thoughts and realizations while cleaning his headstone when really we should be cleaning his cute bum and wiping off his chunky, smiling cheeks. I gaze around the baby section of the cemetery, all of a sudden I feel I need to parent and care for all these babies since we are the only parents present at that moment. I notice flowers tipped over, porcelain pieces cracked and broken from weathering storms, heat and cold. I jump up and start righting items, cleaning pine straw off of a little boys site. I also notice two other children have been placed here since Ethan's remains came back in May and feel a sudden kinship to these other little souls. Maybe Ethan greeted them in Heaven. Maybe they are playing together...who knows.