Every Day is Different

I do not cry everyday anymore. I do not forget though. My motherly instincts and desires are ever present. My hormones are still trying to fall back in to place. My hair is now falling out and in comparing stories with other mother's, apparently this is the norm. I miss my baby. I miss being able to hold him, comfort him and even cry with him as I also hear new mother's do. I feel I have missed out terribly and I do not know if Matt and I will able to ever be rid of those feelings. We are hopeful and almost ready to try for a brother or sister for Ethan even though neither will have the joy of each other until the Kingdom. This is exciting yet heart piercing at the same time! Fear we won't get pregnant as easily as we did with Ethan, fear of approaching weeks 11, 12, then 16 and finally hitting a brick wall at week 20, periods filled with complications and ultimately the premature labor, delivery and death of our son.

Pray. Pray. Pray.